Something that an old friend of mine gave me oh so long ago. It seems like forever that he wrote this for me. Wayne, even until this day you give me guidance despite you being gone.

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Did U Ever?
2 for 1


Did you ever love a girl but knew she didn't care?
Did you ever feel like crying, but knew it wouldn't
Get you anywhere?
Did you ever look into her eyes and say a little prayer?
Did you ever look into her heart and wish that
You were there?
Did you ever watch her walk away, not wanting
her to leave, and whisper to yourself
"God I love her so, how could I ever let her go?"?

If I could choose between life and death,
I guess I'd rather die.
Love is rare, but it hurts so bad, the price to pay is high.

So, I say, "Dear James, don't fall in love."
You'll hurt before it's through.
But don't give up any hope now,
Someone somewhere loves you.

Wayne Livingston '99

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I'm getting along day to day and I suppose it's getting easier as the time passes. Still, I feel like a little of the darkness leaked into my wounds. I worry now, as it makes for a hideous scab. Oh, how this mind putters about. I think about things and people, correlations and events.

I think about shifts and subtle dynamics and how they impact my life. Turning a portion of my life into some long lost memory is an exhausting process. One that would have been easier should one person have done something significantly different. Well, two people, and their choices are made at the expense of someone else, namely me.

This is the sort of thing that perhaps creates a disgust in my belly. It is a rancid acid pooling in the ashy crevices of my stomach.

Hate, hate, oh hate is seeping in. I wish it were not so :/ But it seems the course of this has come its way.

Decisions have been made.

Now it is time for me to make mine.

Decisions were made even if they would wound me.

Decisions were made even if they would cause my scars to bleed again.

Decisions were made despite my tender, reddened state of my emotions.

Decisions were made that hurt me, and were made in the face of that fact.

I feel lofty now, as if I stand on the precipice of a yawning hole in the earth. In my hands I have the power to wield. I have the gift of love, loyalty, and honor, and in the other retribution, shadow, and judgment.

One hand is sore with blood, clutching the beating wounds of my mind. The other rises to strike. The decision is being made. Thunder, oh thunder rumbles in the misty heavens. You will see hope shattered, oh woman-of-two-colors, and thrown to the wind.